


Love hurts

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-07
Updated: 2011-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-06 09:20:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8744368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Jared and Jensen have been together for a year. The problem, they're both married to other people. Now Jensen wants more. But will Jared give up what he has for a love that seems so right?





	1. Have you ever needed someone so bad?

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

Jensen couldn't sleep. It had been like this for months. He lay awake night after night 

 

thinking about how wrong it felt to be here. He knew he had it lucky. He had a beautiful 

 

wife, a great career, and life long friends. There in lay the problem. There happened to be 

 

one friend that was causing all the trouble. Jared. Jensen couldn't stop thinking about him. 

 

He was in his dreams, his fantasies, his life. He couldn't escape this man. Maybe, just 

 

maybe if Jared let him go he could move on and be happy with Daneel. After all, Jared was 

 

supposed to be married too. But he makes it almost impossible. Every chance he gets, he gets 

 

close to jensen, up close and personal. And all he can feel for the rest of the night is 

 

Jared's breath on his skin. He's tried to talk to his best friend about this. Let him know 

 

how this is hurting him but Jared won't let him in. Why can't he let his feelings out? He 

 

gives his kisses in the late hours, but's that's all it is. It's controlled and limited. But 

 

when their time is up, Jared goes back to where his heart really belongs. To Genevieve. 

 

 

It's not as if he didn't know going in that Jared was in love with his wife. He did. But he 

 

had wanted him for so long that the temptation was just too much. His will wasn't that 

 

strong. Jensen knows that part of why Jared keeps on coming back is the excitement of taboo, 

 

that at any moment they could get caught. To him, it's just a game. But to Jensen it is so 

 

much more. So he takes the empty promises that his lover gives him in the night, with 

 

fevered kisses and grappling hands. He has it burned in him that they will be broken come 

 

morning light but part of him wants to believe him. That he loves Jensen and would do 

 

anything for him. Even leave Gen. But he knows it will never happen. They're like complete 

 

opposites. Jared wants to push the limits. Go further, go faster, get it all in now before 

 

he can't do it anymore. But Jensen, he wants to be able to savor it. In the end, he's the 

 

one disappointed. Because Jared always leaves and deep inside, even with Daneel, he feels 

 

all alone.

 

 

Jensen softly sobbed to himself. God, he needed him so bad. It was killing him to want and 

 

love him, knowing he could never have him. Not the way he wants to. He tries so hard to keep 

 

things cool between them, not let Jared see the emotion in him. But it's getting to the 

 

point that it's tearing his world apart from the inside out. Daneel is noticing, everyone at 

 

work is noticing. The only oblivious one is Jared. Jensen made a decision. He would give his 

 

friend an ultimatum. Jared would either give him the relationship he wanted or he would 

 

leave him the fuck alone. He can't have it both ways anymore. It was time he moved on.

 

 

********************************************************************************************

 

 

Jensen waited nervously for his friend to arrive at the convention. He has decided today 

 

would be the day. He knew that it would kill him to see the pain in his friend's eyes but he had to do it anyway. He just couldn't live like this anymore. He didn't know what Jared would say, probably not what he longed to hear, but it needed to be done anyway. For both their sakes.

 

"Hey." Jared said, coming up behind him. His breath ghosting Jensen's neck. He longed to 

 

turn around and get the comfort he needed. But instead he stepped forward into the empty 

 

space. Jared looked at him, concerned. It wasn't like his friend to act like this.

 

"Don't." Jensen said, his heart breaking at the look of hurt on the other man. Jared didn't 

 

understand, he didn't get it. He didn't know that he was a drug that Jensen had to quit. And 

 

he just made it harder to do. He walked a few feet away into a darkened corner. He knew his 

 

friend had followed him and turned around into Jared's embrace.

 

"What's going on, Jen? What's wrong?" Jared asked. He didn't want to let go of his lover but 

 

he needed to look into his eyes. Jensen could never lie to him if he was looking directly at 

 

him.

 

"We need to stop this." Jensen replied, his eyes looking down. Tears filled his eyes.

 

"Doing this at the conventions? Are you worried we'll get caught, is that what's bothering 

 

you?" Jared asked, his brows furrowed.

 

"No! This, us. I just can't do it anymore." Jensen said, his voice choking. Jared tried to 

 

comfort him. He put a hand on his shoulder but Jensen just knocked it away. Confusion filled 

 

his expression. Since when didn't Jensen want this? He was hurt by the other man's attitude. 

 

Jensen knew how he felt about him. Why else would he be cheating on Genny if it wasn't that 

 

this man was the biggest fucking temptation in the world. Like a drug, he has to take a hit. 

 

And he comes back for more each and every day because Jensen's the one, he knows it. But 

 

Genny just had a baby. He's damned if he does and damned if he don't. There will always be 

 

something he can't have. Now anger was setting in. His friend knew that he would never leave 

 

his wife and he said he was ok with that and now he's changing his mind? Jared didn't 

 

fucking think so. 

 

"What's the problem, Jen? You're conscience finally catching up with you?" Jared sneered. 

 

"That's not it."

 

"Oh really? Then why don't you enlighten me. Because it really sounds exactly like that." Jared replied, his eyebrows raised. Jensen through his hands up in the air, frustrated. How could this man be so dense.

 

"God, you just don't understand! Don't you know how I feel about you?" 

 

"Yeah, I do. Or I thought I did. But if you really felt like that then you couldn't possibly stop. I thought we felt the same." Jared said, looking down. Hurt coursing through him.

 

"Don't you understand that that's why I have to stop. I want more and it's not fair. It's not fair to Genny, not fair to Daneel... and not fair to me. You have to choose. Me or her."

 

"You knew I'd never leave her. I told you that. You said you would be ok with that. Why now, what's changed?" Jared asked.

 

"I have. I want it all Jared. And you won't give me that. So I'm walking away before I can't." Jensen said, stepping back.

 

"Jen, I don't know what you want from me." Jared said, his eyes pleading for an answer.

 

"Nothing that's in your power to give." Jensen said, looking defeated. He didn't look back as he left. He would stay here long enough to do the convention, god he didn't know how he would get through it. But after that, he was gone. Like a man in rehab, he had to get away from his choice of drug. Jensen just hoped he was strong enough to stay away from it once he was sober.


	2. Stupid Things

"What the hell did you to him?" Daneel said as she came stomping into Jared's study. 

 

"Well, good morning to you to Danni. Lovely morning we're having isn't it?" Jared replied. 

 

Daneel raised her brows.

 

"Don't give me that chit chat crap. I want to know what you did to him." She said planting 

 

herself firmly in her spot.

 

"Why do you think I did anything to Jensen? I haven't even seen him in a week." Jared 

 

replied, leaning back in his chair.

 

"Seriously? That man bleeds Padalecki. Everything he does revolves around you." She said, 

 

folding her arms.

 

"No it doesn't. Besides like I said I haven't seen him. So you are just going to have to ask 

 

Jensen what's going on with him." Jared replied indignantly. Daneel huffed.

 

"I can't. He's not here." She said. That made jared sit up and take notice.

 

"What do you mean he's not here? Where'd he go?" Jared asked.

 

"From the note I recieved, back home."

 

"What else did it say?" He asked, a sudden unease running through him. Daneel smirked, a 

 

know all look in her eyes.

 

"That's for me to know and for you not to until you tell me exactly what you did." Jared 

 

sighed and told her to sit down. She walked softly to the sofa and sat down then gestured 

 

for him to continue.

 

"It started about a year ago. We had been working late. So I decided to crash at your place. 

 

We got to drinking and messing around and one thing led to another. Next thing we knew, we 

 

were making out on the couch. We had both been drunk, it wasn't supposed to mean anything. 

 

But I couldn't stop thinking about it and apparently it was the same for Jensen. So we 

 

started having an affair." Jared finished, his eyes down cast. He couldn't look up at his 

 

friend, couldn't stand to see the hurt and disappointment on her face at their betrayel. 

 

"And?" Daneel asked impatiently. Jared's head came up.

 

"What?" He asked stupidly. 

 

"And then what happened? He just didn't decide to freak out over that. You had to have done 

 

something." She said pointing at him.

 

"You're not mad?" He asked, confusion written on his face.

 

"Jared, I've been with the man for years. I probably know him better than you do." She 

 

asked, looking at him like he was stupid.

 

"Well if you know him so well then why don't you know why he flipped out." Jared said 

 

patronizingly.

 

"Oh I have a good idea."

 

"So? What is this brilliant deduction of yours?" Jared asked, his brows raised.

 

"I think Jensen was getting to serious for you and he wanted you to leave Gen but you 

 

weren't willing to do that. So he left."

 

"What makes you think that?" Jared asked curiously.

 

"C'mon Jared. Who do you think went through all this with him because it sure as hell wasn't 

 

you. I seen the torment he was going through. It killed him being unfaithful, he's not that 

 

type of man. But here came the great Padalecki to screw up his life. Did you ever once think 

 

about how your little game was affecting him?" She said, accusation in her eyes.

 

"We had a mutual understanding. It wasn't supposed to be more than sex. I made it very clear 

 

where my priorities lay. He's the one that changed the rules." Jared replied defensively.

 

"Right. That's fine, Jared. But when he comes back, you better leave him alone so he can 

 

move on. He's already had enough heartbreak do to you."

 

"I'm sure he'll be fine. He's got you. And being the good little wife that you are, I'm sure 

 

you'll be right there ready to tell him what a bastard I am and how he's better off without 

 

me." Jared replied bitterly.

 

"I don't have to, he already knows. Besides we're not together anymore, he left me too." 

 

Daneel said. 

 

"Why would he do that?" Jared pondered quietly.

 

"He told me I could do better, that I needed a man who wasn't broken. As if there's any man 

 

better than him." She said, shaking her head. Daneel glanced at Jared when there was no 

 

answer. The man was deep in thought. She hoped she gave him some things to think about. She 

 

got up quietly, careful not to disrupt him. She wouldn't tell Genny, that was Jared's job. 

 

But hopefully, things would turn out alright. She thought to herself how odd it was that she wanted her husband to be happy with another person. But really, she loved Jensen enough to let him go. Daneel had seen them together and knew that that was meant to be. If she could somehow be apart of making that happen, she would move heaven and earth to do it. She shook her head, laughing at herself. Love makes you do stupid things. But that's alright. Because her and Jensen, they would always be there for each other. And when it came her turn to be where he is now, she knew he would do no less for her. She really pitied whoever came next.


	3. Don't know what you got til it's gone

Jared had been in his study all morning since hurricaine Daneel left. She had literally came in and and dropped a huge fucking bomb shell, a couple of them. One, she had known. Well, why the hell hadn't she let them know? If she hated seeing Jensen in pain, then why didn't she at least tell him? Secondly, Jensen had left her too and gone. It was mind boggling. Why would he just drop everything and leave? He knew Jensen loved Danni. So why now? Was it something Jared had done? He couldn't imagine causing his friend that much pain. Jensen had said that he was the one that changed, he wanted more. But Jared gave him all that he could. He knew he couldn't be the man that he needed so he tried to make sure that Jensen felt how deeply he loved him and how sorry he was that it couldn't be more. He had a family now and how to think about them.

 

Jared knew that he had caused to much damage to go back now and he would take all the pain he caused if he could. Even if that meant theat they had never become lovers. Because after everything, Jensen was still his best friend. Maybe after this break he was taking, he would come back and everything would be fine. Maybe he just needed some time to think things through. Jared dropped his head into his folded arms. Who was he kidding? He knew that wouldn't happen. Jensen felt things too deeply, took too much to heart. But even if he could, Jared din't know if he could. Since his friend left, he's been all he could think about. He was in his dreams, his every waking moment. He had picked up the phone too many times too count because he just wanted to hear that voice say his name. He felt like such a fool. He had this beautiful family, all he ever wanted. But he couldn't help but want this man. What was it about Jensen that called to him, that made it so hard for him to walk away? He knew for both their sakes that when he got back, he should leave him alone. But he didn't know if he could. Jared was in love with his best friend. And no one, not even Jensen, could change that.

 

 

********************************************************************************************

 

 

Jensen sat on the porch swing lost in thought. He knew he had to go back but he dreaded it. It was just such a mess. He wondered what they had been thinking. Now it seemed like such a mistake. But then, then he couldn't see any other way. He had been in love with Jared since the moment he'd seen him. He thought it was only him, that Jared didn't swing that way. But when his friend admitted that he cared a special torch for him to, it was all he could do to not jump the man right there. Now though, it destroyed everything they had worked for. His and Danni's relationship, his and Jared's. The next time somebody says to him the truth will set you free, he's going to punch them in the face. It caused him nothing but problems. It wasn't like he expected Jared to say anything but what he did. He knew his friend would never leave his family. He has too much of that honor thing going. And no matter the fact that that was part of why Jensen loved him, it was also alot of the problem. 

 

"Hey." Jensen turned his head at the sound of his mother coming out. He smiled slightly as she sat down by him. He always knew that no matter what happened, he could always come to her. The matriarch of the family. She ran a tight household and whatever she said went. So when this problem arose, he knew the only place he could possibly come was home. She would help him through this. 

 

"Hey mom." 

 

"You wanna tell me about what's going on?" She asked gently. Jensen sighed and started explaining his situation. 

 

"No one can tell you what you need to do Jensen. But it sounds like you have two options. You can either move on and find someone you can truly be happy with or you can fight for him. But the choice has to be yours." Jensen lay his head on her shoulder, longing to go back to a time when life was simpler.

 

"What would you do mom?" He asked.

 

"I can't answer that for you. What's right to one person isn't going to be to another. All you can do is look at the situation and decide what you can live with. Jared is your best friend. No matter what happens, that won't change."

 

"I don't know if I can go back to being just his friend. It hurts just to think about him." Jensen replied. Donna smiled sadly.

 

"You can, honey. It will just take some time. Friendships like yours are hard to come by and they usually last." Jensen turned his head up to look at his mother. It was good advice she was giving. Now if he could take it. He got up to go to bed, a heavy load on his mind. He kissed Donna good night and went in. He didn't know how he would get throug these next months, but he was determined that it wouldn't end his friendship with Jared. Because his mom was right. Jared was his best friend and he wouldn't let anything ruin that.


	4. Tell me what  it takes

Jared glared at his co star. They had been there for hours, trying to get the scene down. But if it wasn't Jensen messing up the lines, it was him dazing off. He was tired, irritable and wanted to go home. He had a warm willing partner there and a beautiful baby girl he longed to hold. But no, he had to stay. Jared swore he was doing it on purpose. Forcing him to be in his company to torture him. He would do something like that. Get him back for doing whatever it is that he was supposed to have done. It was bad enough that Jensen wouldn't talk to him, but working with him was hell. He longed to put his arms around him and kiss him breathless. But of course, he couldn't do that anymore. It was even worse when they had to do touchy scenes. Then it was just plain sadistic. The touches lasted longer than neccessary but he just couldn't help himself. The painful pleasure of even that was too much temptation. But when those scenes were done, Jensen was gone faster than you could say cut. He just wished his friend, ex friend, would tell him what was going on because he sure as hell didn't know. Sometimes he saw the longing there in Jensen's eyes, but it was gone a moment later. And what was with the silent treatment? Didn't he deserve a little bit more respect than that? After all, he had been truthful from the start. It was Jensen who changed the rules. That was it. Jared was going to get some answers. Sara had just called it a night, no doubt tired and irritable herself. Now was his chance to ambush Jensen into making him talk to him. Whatever he said, at least Jared would know where he stood.

 

 

"Jensen!" Jared yelled out, trying to catch his co star's attention. But Jensen just kept walking, his strides actually getting faster. He ran to catch up with him, barely making it to Jensen's trailer before the man could lock him out.

 

"What the fuck, Jensen? Didn't you hear me yelling at you?" Jared asked, out of breath.

 

"Yeah, I did. But can this wait, Jay? I have a date." Jensen asked as he opened his trailer door.

 

"No, this can't fucking wait." 

 

"Fine. What's up?" Jensen asked impatiently.

 

"I should be asking you that question. Jen, what's been going on with you lately? It's like since you got back, you haven't been yourself. Everybody's starting to worry about you."

 

"Everybody meaning you?" 

 

"Not just me. Jim, Danni, hell even Misha is worrying about you. So that's gotta tell you something." 

 

"I'm fine." Jensen replied, vehemently. 

 

"Are you? because it doesn't look like it to me." Jared said, raisingg his brows.

 

"I told you, I'm fine. Just been having some bad days is all." Jensen said quietly.

 

"Really? And are you going to chalk up not talking to me as having bad days too?" 

 

"I'm not ignoring you. I just don't particularly have anything to say to you."

 

"Well, I got plenty to say to you." Jared said, dragging his friend into the trailer.

 

"Ok, now what? What does the great Padalecki have to say to me that he couldn't have said out there?" Jensen said dramatically. Jared stormed over to him, pushing him up against the wall.

 

"This." He said to a surprised friend as he smashed his lips into Jensen. Jensen moaned at the long lost taste of his lover. How he had dreamed of this. Every night for days. Jared ground his hips into his friend, needing the friction that it caused. He too had been dreaming of this. But his dreams focused on getting Jensen back. But Jensen pushed the other man away. He couldn't get caught up in this again or he would never find his way out.

 

"What?" Jared asked, confused.

 

"I am not doing this again. I told you, Jared. I'm through."

 

"No, you can't be. Don't tell me you haven't missed this" Jared replied, a little brokenly.

 

"Yeah, I have. But this just isn't enough anymore." Jensen said, gesturing between the two of them.

 

"I can't let you go, Jen. You're my best friend. I love you." The younger man said, almost pleading.

 

"I will always be your friend, Jay. But you won't give me what I need and I can't settle for less."

 

"You know why I won't leave her. I wish I could."

 

"Do you really think Genny's that much of a bitch that she would keep your daughter from you if you divorced? I must have more faith in her than you because I don't think she would."

 

"She's not Danni, Jen. I've seen first hand her vengeance streak and it's not pretty. I wouldn't put anything past her."

 

"Well that's it then. You've made your choice. Not that I expected anything different. I gotta go. I'm late." Jensen said sadly, wishing this time had been different.

 

"Jen-" 

 

"Don't, just don't." Jensen said and rushed out the door, afraid that if he didn't he would give in. He knew how his friend was feeling, he felt it too. They were like magnets, drwawn to each other, but at the same time being pushed apart. If only they could flip and be together. But Jensen wasn't holding his breath. Jared was too scared of what might happen. He guessed he couldn't blame him. If he had a child, he would hold on to her too. But did it really have to hurt this much? Jensen shook his head, trying to get out of such depressing thoughts. He had a date and hopefully this one would get him out of his funk. Because so far, no one could.


	5. Here I go again

Jensen lay awake, thinking of everything that had happened. He was proud of himself for having the willpower to say no to Jared. He honestly hadn't known if he had it in him, but now he knew he could be friends with him and not need to pounce on him the first moment he got. He may want to, but it wasn't a drug anymore. Jensen was now sober. He breathed a sigh of relief, getting past this huge part of his past. But now he could move on. He wasn't sure what direction he was headed or who it would be with. But Jensen looked to the future in a way he hadn't in years. He let go of the promises made by both him and Jared. Too much time wasted on things neither of them could change, no matter how much he wanted them to. It was true that he knew he would always love his best friend, but now he could within distance of him and he wouldn't feel like someone was ripping out his gut. Maybe only cutting it open with a dull box cutter now. Which Jensen had to say was a vast improvement.

 

Jensen was seeing someone else too, which may have slightly helped the healing process. He really didn't know. But when he came back from Texas, he had decided he would start dating if for nothing else then to numb the pain just for a couple hours. But it had happened after cruising the bars for a few nights, he met someone. Jason. Jensen burned with desire just thinking about that man. Blonde hair, blue eyes, pure sex on wheels. The complete opposite of Jared. And he rather preferred it that way. He didn't want anything reminding him of what he lost, only what was to come. Jensen didn't know if this man would actually be in his future, but he did cloud his senses long enough that he could get through the night. 

 

Jensen couldn't pretend that he didn't think about his friend, he thought about him alot. But there was no hope for them and he knew it. There was nothing he could do. Lucky for him that Jason had come along, saving him from himself. The thing of it was, he was exactly what he needed. Neither of them were ready for a relationship. They had both agreed that it would be just sex, ironically what he was supposed to have with Jared. But they had been to close. Jensen had loved him too long. He just couldn't do it. But now he was free. Free from loving a man that would never be his and free to move on. There was nothing he wanted more than to keep that freedom. He just hoped that when Jared found out about Jason, he would still want to at least be friends. It shouldn't be that big of a deal since he was still married and would continue to be. But sometimes things don't happen like he thought they would. Exhibit A, his relationship with Jared. Well whatever happened, he would deal with it. He had lived without Jared before and he could do it again. He just hoped it wouldn't kill him to do so.


	6. How can I tell her about you?

Jared was dreaming, he had to be. He felt the moist heat on his cock and moaned. Jensen had come back to him. As he felt the mouth on him, he looked down. He smiled at the brunette who was bobbing there. He put his hands on his head, pushing it further down. He didn't know how long he could last, it had been so long.

 

"Oh yeah, Jen. So good." Jensen looked up, eyes gleaming as he conitued to suck. Jared couldn't wait any longer. He felt his balls tighten up and he let out a guttural sound.

 

"God, I missed you so much." He said, closing his eyes.

 

"I missed you too baby." A definate female voice answered. Jared eyes popped open, shock written on his face. 

 

"Gen, what are you doing here? I thought you weren't do back for another week. Genevieve got up and sat fown next to here husband.

 

"We wrapped up early. Why are you so surpised it was me. You're not fooling around on me, are you?" She said teasingly. 

 

"Of course not. I just didn't expect you." He said. His heart thudded wildly. How could he have that mistake, thinking that it was Jen? Surely he knew the difference between the two. It's not as if they were anything alike in bed. But Jared had dreamt so long about his friend that dreams and reality were swirling together. The bad thing was when he saw her now, he felt no desire. She was still as beautiful as she ever was. He didn't know what was wrong with him. He shared everything with her, she used to be his everything. But then he had started messing around with Jensen and everything changed. Her beauty was somehow diminished because it was not short and light brown. She was too feminine, too soft. He started longing for the taut muscles of his friend. He knew he was in trouble when he started imagining Jensen when they made love. He had been in denial about being in love with his friend, but now fully admitted it. He couldn't do this anymore. It wasn't fair to anybody. He knew that now. But how could he tell Genny that he didn't love her anymore? Worse, that she had been replaced in his affections by his best friend? He didn't want to hurt her, but he knew it was inevitable. It had been since that first kiss.

 

"Earth to Jared." Genevieve said, waving her hand in front of his face.

 

"What's wrong? It's like you're a million miles away." She asked, concern on her face.

 

"It's nothing, just me and Jen having some problems." Jared replied, hoping she didn't see through his facade. She tilted her head and laid her hand on his face.

 

"Rough time, huh? Well, let's see what I can do to make you feel better." She said, leaning down to kiss him. He stopped her with a hand. 

 

"I just want to be alone for a while." He said quietly.

 

"Wow, this must be serious. Alright. If that's what you really want, I'll leave. I have to go console a friend anyway, Her and her husband just split up." She replied. getting up.

 

"Tell Daneel hi for me." Jared said, sitting up. Genny turned around, looking surprised.

 

"It's not Danni. When did her and Jensen break up?" She asked, brows rising.

 

"A few weeks ago. I'm surprised she didn't tell you."

 

"What happened? I thought they were doing so well." Genny asked.

 

"They were, but Jensen just left without a reason." 

 

"Hmm. Well I guess I will stop over there to see how she's doing. Poor girl. She must be devastated. Don't wait up." SHe said as she walked out the door. Jared sighed in relief that she was gone. Now he could concetrate on his problem. He had no clue had to let her down easily. But he knew he had to. When he thought about Jensen night and day and even consumed his dreams, it was time. Genny he could live without but Jensen, he was his life.

 

 

********************************************************************************************

 

Genevieve walked into the empty motel room, putting her stuff down. It had been three weeks since she had been here and she was going crazy. She had missed her lover and wanted nothing more than to lay in his arms. She felt slightly guilty for cheating on her husband, but she needed this. He was a flame to her moth that she just couldn't seem to leave. She knew that one day Jared might find out, but hoped that he didn't until it was over. She didn't know how she would ever explain it to him and didn't want to try. She was also dreading the look of hurt in his eyes that she knew would be there. Jared had been nothing but kind to her, sharing every part of his being. But she just needed more. More excitement, more romance, that he was just not willing to give. Nick gave her all that and more. He was all that she could ask for and the only thing that was stopping her from being with him completely, was Jared. She knew it wasn't right, knew that it could hurt so many people. But she just couldn't stop. Genevieve couldn't stay, yet she couldn't leave. She had a baby with Jared. She also knew she couldn't leave unless she knew for certain he would be fine. She thought back once again how it had all started. A couple of beers in a bar when she was feeling bad for herself and a one night stand that wasn;t so one night later, she was hooked. She sighed. Perhaps she would take a bath and wait for Nick. He wouldn't be too late, he never kept her waiting. As she started running the water, she had to laugh to herself. Who'd have thought a year ago that she'd be in this situation. She just hoped it wouldn't blow up in her face.


	7. You look so good in love

Jared walking into the bar. He was here to meet Misha and Jim. He had specifically asked if Jensen was going to be there and much to his delight, they said no. He wasn't ready to face his friend until he he had told Jenny,but couldn't wait to see the look on his face when he finally did. So imagine his surprise when he looked at the dance floor and there he was. What made it worse, he wasn't alone. Jensen was cozied up tight to some man. Jared almost died of shock. The man was very good looking 

with brown hair and a cute butt. He had to fight a snarl when he saw him touch his friend's ass, wanting nothing more than to go over there and punch out his lights. But his friend's beckoned him over and he put on a smile.

 

"Hey!" Jared said, a little too enthusiastically. Two pairs of eyes stared at him, surprise in the gaze. He sat down, not taking his eyes off the couple on the floor. Misha and Jim looked at each other, a knowing look on their face.

 

"Ahem. So how have you been?" Misha said, trying to get Jared's attention. Jared swung his gaze to his friends, a blush forming.

 

"Fine. Why?" He asked, looking down. 

 

"We just haven't seen that much of you lately, is all. Come to think of it, we haven't seen 

 

much of Jensen either." Jim replied.

 

"Why don't we invite him and his uh friend over here." Misha said, getting up before Jared 

 

could stop him. Jensen looked over when he heard someone calling his name. He smiled at his two friends as he started walking there way but abruptly stopped when he saw the other man at the table. Jared was ducking his head, trying not to be noticed. Jensen almost laughed. As if the 6'4 giganto could ever be invisible. But this really wasn't a funny situation. Jensen never meant for Jared to find out like this. Assaulted with sight of him dancing so intimately with someone else. He came forward, holding his lover's hand.

 

"Hey guys. How you doing tonight?" He asked, smiling fakely.

 

"Are you planning on introducing us or do we have to do it ourselves?" Jim asked, an eyebrow raised.

 

"Sorry. Jason, this is Jim and Misha. And that tall one over there, trying to slink away, is my best friend Jared. Guys, this is Jason." Jensen said, glancing over at Jared.

 

"So, this is the mystery man that we've heard so much. why don't you two pull up a chair and tell us how you met." Jim replied in a friendly tone. Jensen started in on the story about how they both ended up in the same bar, drowing their sorrows. And since they had both been there so long, they decided to drink together and the rest is history. Jared was getting more nauseous with every word until finally, he just couldn't take it anymore. He stood up, telling everyone goodbye hurriedly. He ran out the the door, Jensen getting up to follow.

 

"Did I miss something?" Jason asked, confused.

 

"You bet your ass you did. But don't worry, we'll fill you in seeing as your the new guy." Jim said. And he started to tell mystery man the history of padackles.

 

 

********************************************************************************************

 

"Jared, wait up!" Jensen yelled. 

 

"What? What could you possibly want?" Jared asked impatiently.

 

"Just let me explain." Jensen said pleadingly.

 

"Don't bother. I seen everything I need to." Jared said turning back around and walking again. He stopped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

 

"Please." Jensen pleaded.

 

"I thought it would take longer for you to find someone new. I thought I would have more time." Jared turned around, glaring at his friend.

 

"Congratulations Jen, you've upgraded. How does it feel?" He asked bitterly.

 

"Jason isn't an upgrade. But you know what? It feels pretty good to not hurt for once. He does give me that."

 

"Are you kidding? The man is gorgeous. Of course, you traded up. God, I'm such an idiot. Do you know I was going to tell Genny about us?" Jared replied, eyes tearing up.

 

"What?" Jensen asked, confused.

 

"Yeah. I was actually naive enough to believe you'd wait longer than 2 seconds. remind me never to make that mistake again."

 

"That's not fair. You were the one that told me you would never leave Genny. What was I supposed to do, wait forever?" Jensen asked defensively.

 

"No, not forever. but maybe at least a month, You could've had some faith in me that I would come around."

 

"I waited for a year, Jared. That was long enough." Jensen said. He turned around, not wanting his friend to see him so close to tears. Jared sighed tiredly. He put a hand on his friend.

 

"You're right, I'm not being fair. I'm happy for you Jen. You deserve some happiness." He said and started to back away. He wouldn't upset his friend any longer. By the time Jensen turned around, he was gone. Jensen almost fell to the ground. He had missed his oppotunity. Instead of telling Jared that he was all he ever wanted and that him and Jason were just friends, he had to get all emotional and defensive. Classic Jensen. That was alright. He would explain to Jared tomorrow. And hopefully everything would be ok. Jensen turned around to go back inside. He would enjoy his night and deal with his problems tomorrow. But he had to talk to Jason, tell him what was going on. He deserved that. After all, he had become a really good friend. Maybe they could stay friends when all this is over. Jensen hoped so.


	8. Things I'd like to say

Jared sat by the fire, tossing items into it. Everything that reminded him of his best friend went in. He had lost the most important thing in his life and he hadn't even flinched when given the ultimatum. He thought that this was just a passing phase Jensen was going through, that he'd be back. But no, he had found someone knew. This man, Jason, was everything he wasn't. But the most important thing that he wasn't, was married. He could make Jensen happy in a way Jared never could. It was true that he was going to leave Genevieve. But what was the point now? His friend had moved on, was happy even. He had no right to ruin it for him. He thought back to the night before, watching the couple dance. It had been erotic but also maddening. He just wanted to go over there and punch that guy's lights out. He knew he couldn't do it though. Frustrating? Hell yes it was. Jared didn't have a claim on his friend and Jensen would've hated him for doing it. So he left, the only thing he could do. He didn't miss the hurt in the words jensen had said. But instead of letting him explain liek he wanted to, he wnt off on him. Wait to go Jared. He thought to himself.

 

Jared wondered where his ex lover wa tonight. Probably laying in bed with his new boy toy laughing at his expense. Which, if he was honest with himself and he tried to be, was deserved. If he had only told Jensen a few days earlier, maybe he would be here instead of in the arms of another man. He wanted to call him up and tell him what was in his heart. Tell him that his every thought and dream is consumed wit him. But what would the purpose be? He was already gone. It didn't even seem like they could friends. It was just too tense with unspoken words in the air. And that hurt the most. He missed his lover but longed for his friend. They had been there for each other for so long and now it was gone. Maybe someday Jared could learn to put the hurt aside. But that was a very big if. He sighed and through the last picture in the fire. He could pretend for one night that he had never met Jensen Ackles and just maybe he could get some sleep tonight and deal with it in the morning.

 

 

********************************************************************************************

 

Jensen lay in bed with his lover. He knew it wasn't right leading him on. But in his defense, he hadn't thought he was. Until tonight. Jared had dropped a huge bomb right smack in the middle of his reality and it busted everything hr knew apart. He was ready to leave Genny. Jensen still couldn't believe it. He had gotten through to the man. But now it was too late. Jared had met Jason and under very bad circumstances. He hadn't even let him explain. He wanted to call him up, tell him nothing had changed. But it had, in a sense. He had broken one of their few rules. No other men. So what if they weren't seeing each other at the time. Jensen would be furious if he had seen his friend dancing like that with anyone besides him or Genevieve. With her, he would just be depressed. He hadn't thought he could do anything about her. So what made him think that Jared would forgive him for the same thing? Jensen sighed quietly, careful not to wake Jason up in his musings. But like everything else, it didn't go his way.

 

"What's wrong Jen?" Jason asked, resting his head on Jensen's shoulder.

 

"Nothing Jason. Just go back to sleep."

 

"You're thinking about Jared, aren't you?"

 

"No, I'm not." Jensen replied shaking his head.

 

"He still loves you, you know."

 

"No he doesn't. Not after tonight." He said, looking down. Jason looked up into wet green eyes and smiled.

 

"If my old boyfriend looked at me the way he looked at you, you better believe I would do anything to get him back."

 

"What would I tell him? 'Jay I'm sorry I fucked someone else. Please forgive me?' He would never accept it. He's too proud."

 

"How do you know if you don't try. Fight for him Jen. If you have nothing to lose." Jason said. He kissed Jensen gently on the cheek and got up. 

 

"Call me sometime. Things might not have worked out between us, but I would still like to be your friend." He said as he was dressing. 

 

"you better believe it." Jensen replied. After Jason left, he lay thinking. Maybe he was right. Maybe there was still hope. His mind swirled with things he wanted to say. If Jared wanted him to fight for him, he would. And the first place he was going to go was straight to Genevieve. It was time she knew what was going on.


	9. Who's cheatin who

  
Author's notes: I know that Jared and Genevieve are having a boy, but since I started writing this before that was told, I changed the gender. Now, back to the story.  


* * *

Jensen walked quietly into the Padalecki house. He knew Jared wasn't home. That's why he had chosen this time to go and visit Genevieve. Butterflies were fluttering in his stomache. He hoped he had the balls to do this. He also hoped that Jared would forgive him. But hadn't Jared said he was planning to tell her anyway? He was just beating him to the punch. He walked into the kitchen, knowing that Genny would be having her morning coffee. She smiled when she saw him and got up to give him a hug.

 

"Hey, Jen. It's been awhile. How you doing?" She said warmly. Jensen smiled weakly and sat down.

 

"I'm fine."

 

"I heard about you and Danni. I'm so sorry."

 

"It's ok. Um, hey Gen, can we talk?" Jensen asked, looking intently at her.

 

"Of course. What's up?" Genevieve asked as she got another cup of coffee.

 

"There's something I need to tell you and it's not easy for me." Jensen said. Genny sat down, confusion written on her face. She gestured for him to continue, unease settling inside her.

 

"Well, there's no other way to say it so I'll just come out and say it. Jared's been seeing someone else." He said, looking down.

 

"What?" She asked, shocked.

 

"It started about a year ago and it's gotten pretty serious." Jensen replied, still looking at the floor. He was afraid to look at her, afraid to see the hurt he was causing.

 

"Wow, I can't believe it. This is perfect." She said, relief evident in her tone. Jensen's head shot up, looking at her.

 

"You're not mad?" He asked, surprised.

 

"Mad? No. But wait. Why isn't he telling me this?" Genny asked, confused again. When Jensen looked down again, she saw the guilt on his face.

 

"He didn't send you, did he?" She asked carefully.

 

"No, he didn't."

 

"That rat bastard. He wasn't going to tell me, was he?" She asked, fuming.

 

"He told me he was. But I just couldn't keep it in any longer."

 

"Tell me who it is. I want to know the bitch's name."

 

"Not her, Gen. It's a guy."

 

"No, it can't be. Jared's not gay." She said, shaking her head in denial.

 

"No, not gay. Bisexual."

 

"But the only person he sees is you." she replied. Jensen grasped her hands, looking at her.

 

"yeah."

 

"You and Jared? I don't believe it."

 

"Believe it."

 

"Why didn't he say something? I would try to be understanding."

 

"He didn't want to hurt you."

 

"There's something else, isn't there? Another reason he didn't want to tell me." She asked.

 

"He was afraid you would keep Hannah from him."

 

"I can't believe this. Well, you can let him know that I would never do that. No matter how big of an asshole he is, he's still a good father."

 

"I'll let him know. I'll tell him you gave me a piece of your mind."

 

"You better. Jen, I'm happy for you guys. You belong together."

 

"I'm still surprised that you're not mad. I thought you'd be furious."

 

"Well, I guess since you've come clean that I should too. I've been seeing someone else also. I've been trying to tell Jared, but I just couldn't. I didn't want to hurt him. Despite everything, I do still love him." She said. 

 

"Next time Gen, use communication. It ends better that way." Jensen said. He got up, readying to go. They said their goodbyes and he went to find his friend. It was more than time for him to see Jared and make amends. Jensen laughed to himself at the turn of events. Who'd have thought a year ago that him and Jared would end up together? He had hoped in his wildest dreams, but never thought it would actually come true. But nonetheless, it was. Jensen felt hope flutter inside him. He finally knew what he wanted. Now if he could convince Jared of that.


	10. I'm free

Jensen walked into the crowded bar. He had seen Jared go in here, surpised that he would seek out such a huge dive. He figured his friend might be wallowing in pity. He had been doing just that since he met Jason. Or so he had heard. But Jensen wouldn't allow him to do that anymore. It was time for him to tell his lover how he felt and hopefully things would be ok. They hadn't exactly parted well last time they had seen each other. But he chalked it up to miscommunication. Jared had refused to let him explain. But if he had, they probably wouldn't be in this craptastic place. He hoped his friend would listen this time. Jared had a reputation for being stubborn. Jensen looked around the smoke filled room, Finally catching sight of the man in question. As he walked towards him, his palms started sweating. He yearned to run over to his friend and throw his arms aroud him, beg his forgiveness. But no, it would take more than that to get him out of his stupor. Drink induced and pity party Jared was not a pretty sight. But Jensen was hoping to sober him up pretty quickly. He got to the bar and looked down at the man nursing a whiskey sour, shaking his head slightly.

 

"Is this seat taken?" Jensen asked, sitting down. 

 

"Go away, Jensen." Jared mumbled into his drink. He took another big gulp, wishing that his friend would just go away and leave him to his misery. He looked over and scowled when the other man didn't move.

 

"Just what are you doing here? Isn't your boy toy getting lonely?" He asked bitterly.

 

"I just wanna talk, Jay. Nothing more than that." Jensen gently replied.

 

"There's nothing more to talk about. You made your point perfectly clear."

 

"And what is that?" Jensen asked, raising his eyebrows.

 

"That you moved on. And like I said Jen, I'm happy for you. Just don't expect me to stomache watching you. I can't do it." Jared said, eyes glistening with unshed tears. He looked down into his drink, unable to look at his friend.

 

"Can we actually go somewhere to talk? There's something I need to tell you but I don't want to do it here." Jensen said quietly. 

 

"Why? What could you possibly say that would make a difference?" Jared asked, glancing over at him.

 

"Please." Jensen replied. His friend sighed and nodded. They got up and walked out the door quietly, both lost in their thoughts. Jared wondering what his friend had to say and Jensen hoping the other man would listen. He didn't think that after he heard what he had to say that he would be angry for telling Genevieve. But with Jared no one really knew what would happen. They reached the alley and Jared turned around and leaned against the wall.

 

"So, what is it? What was really that important that we couldn't talk inside?" He asked wearily.

 

""I want to know just what the Hell do yoou think you're doing to yourself?" Jensen asked, anger showing in his tone.

 

"I told you. I'm drowning my sorrows. What's it to you anyway? I"m not your problem anymore." Jared said, cocking an eyebrow.

 

"You most certainly are my god damned business. You're my best friend." Jensen replied, choking up. But the other man just shook his head.

 

"No it's not Jen. You gave up that right the first time you let somebody else touch you. Now I told you that I was happy for you and I meant it. But I will not sit and watch you and him together, I can't." Jared looked down, tears in his eyes.

 

"Did it make jealous Jay, seeing us together?" Jensen asked casually as he leaned against the other wall.

 

"You know it did. Quit acting innocent."

 

"Yeah? Well, good. You deserved it." Jared looked up surprised, never thinking his friend could be so cruel.

 

"Are you fucking kidding me? It nearly killed me thinking about you two. Knowing that he was touching you, kissing you, drove me nearly insane. And you think that's a good thing? Fuck you!." Jared practically yelled, anger radiating from his every pore.

 

"I'm sorry Jay, but it's just desserts. Now you know how I feel every time you went home with Genevieve. I died a little bit inside when I saw her, knowing that you would always go home to her and that's why I couldn't do it anymore. I love you too much for that."

 

"Well, congratulations. You moved up and now you don't have to worry about that ever again. See you later Jensen, it's been fun." Jared said and started to walk away. He stopped when he felt a hand on his shoulder and he bowed his head.

 

"Jen, don't. Don't make this harder than it has to be." He said, a begging feel to his voice.

 

"Jared, I didn't come here to fight." Jensen replied quiety.

 

"Then why did you come here? Cause that seems like all we do anymore."

 

"I came to tell you I was wrong. God, Jay. I just hurt so much and I was crashing fast. Jason took the edge off the pain, that's it. How could it be anymore than that when we are both in love with somebody else?" Jensen said. 

 

"What?" Jared asked, dazed.

 

"I'm still in love with you and if you could just take me back, I know we could make it work." Jen replied, anxiety swimming in his stomach. Jared pushed him back against the wall, craching their lips together. Jensen groaned and the feeling he had missed so dearly. He ground up against his renewed lover, wanting any contact possible. He knew it wouldn't last long for wither of them. It was too rushed, too frantic. And with loud moans, they came together. Both releasing all the emotional baggage that had been following them and now felt at piece. Jared leaned into his friend, sighing.

 

"I take it that's a yes?" Jensen asked, eyes sparkling in relief.

 

"Yeah. But... what am I going to tell Genny? She is going to be so pissed." Jared said, worriedly.

 

"You don't have to, she already knows." Jensen replied nervously. His friend leaned back and looked at him.

 

"What did she say? Is she mad, is she getting a lawyer to take away Hannah? What man, tell me!" Jared asked hysterically.

 

"She was fine with it. Turns out she was seeing someone too and just couldn't break the news to you. Said something about not wanting to hurt you." Jensen replied casually. Jared's heart softened towards his now ex. She was still protecting him anyway she could. And now they could all be free to be with whomever they wanted. Jared couldn't be happier. He looked down into Jensen's eyes and knew he was home.


End file.
